Cords and Chains
by BellaDameNoir
Summary: It's the difference between a Blessing and a Burden. Love can feel like unbreakable cord tying you to the one you love. Or it can feel like a heavy chain binding and weighing down your heart. Their love story is unlike any other. It's beautiful, intense, devastating and difficult. But through all the complexities of love there is always a hope for a happy ending.
1. Chapter 1: FTGIII: Her Drug of Choice

**Chapter 1: FTGIII – Her Drug of Choice**

She knew the precise moment it was coursing through her body

She had taken a deep breath in and refused to exhale

Anxiously waiting for the euphoric feeling to wash over her

When it would overload her senses and no thoughts would prevail.

Everything she experienced was addictive, intoxicating

She could close her eyes, lie back and release

Now she was free to hallucinate in the shadows

Indulging in visions of life with another kind of peace.

She made sure this hit was much better than the last

Each time the desperation intensified beyond her control

The thirst was maddening; she needed to go higher

Feverishly remove the constraints that bound her like a chokehold.

It never really lasted long enough to satisfy her craving

Though her silhouette would thrash out trying to hold on

It would leave behind a stronger, gnawing pain of hunger

An empty hole enlarging inside because it would never be gone.

She lived in a constant state of push and pull

Somewhere between delicious pleasure and shivering withdrawal

And even if she had the will; she would never stop

A momentary rush of octane was better than none at all.


	2. Chapter 2: The Olivia Pope Pt 1

I know exactly what people think when they see me

_Fixer ~ Savior ~ Perfection_

Like an angel bathed in a white after glow

With the strength to desecrate problems and create new beginnings.

I am on a pedestal, high above the mortals below

I am a spectacle in a theater of cruel satire

The applause is momentary with a bitter aftertaste.

He thinks he knows me but he doesn't

He loves the persona I have created; the illusion I've invented

The reality is much less bewitching.

In truth, I am straining under the weight of his love

Trying to be who he wants and what he needs

Struggling to save my own morality from a bottomless quagmire.

I'm slowly falling off the pedestal; an angel without wings

The flaws in my character are acceptable to me

But unbearable to others, especially to him

_Someone take this white hat off before I scream!_

How does a Gladiator learn to love

Recklessly, Unreservedly, Unconditionally

Lest I display a weakness that betrays a lack of confidence

That would disqualify me from a starring role in his life

Who will save the Gladiator but herself?

Who will pick her up when she falls but herself?

If I love him completely will he bear the burden of who I am?

Or will reality become a crushing mass of indignation

Sinking our love to an unrecognizable oblivion?


	3. Chapter 3: One Minute

It was just a moment in time

One minute really

But it was everything.

He was standing there, one breath away

Within my possessive grasp

And I wanted him, touch him, feel him

Because in that one minute he was mine.

And I stood there under his spell

Pretending it was possible to love a man such as him

That we could find happiness in each others arms.

He stepped closure and my soul shook.

This man could make me lose everything

Tear down the defenses standing erect

Nakedly exposing my heart to his devouring.

Fear. .

In one minute

I knew that I would never exist without him

I would never be complete without his love

We would consume each other

With such power that it would damn the world.


	4. Chapter 4: Connecting

There is power in the slightest human touch

A current of electricity moving from one body to another

The underlying meaning is mesmerizing

Throwing thoughts into a tail spin of imaginings

Creating hopeful desires out of impossible dreams

Harvesting a need to fill your soul with that of another

Believing that every breath you take

Every movement of your body

Is in response to the desperation to make him a part of you

It is in this touch that we are joined, bonded

To sever the connection, to break the bond

Would evoke a pain worse than death

I'm writhing in the intensity of overwhelming emotions

Rapturous ecstasy; heightened euphoria

The mental seduction was perfectly absolute

It was an awakening to a love so deep

That a mere touch could ignite a voracious fire

Capable of burning anything in its path

Exerting a force that gets fervently stronger

As it passionately solidifies a connection

Wildly unrestrained, completely uninhibited and more powerful

Than anyone could have ever imagined


	5. Chapter 5: Torn

_What the hell just happened?_

A couple more steps and I would have been gone

Home free; away from his presence

Now I'm in this room, this closet with HIM

His lips slammed down on mine

I could barely breathe

There was no gentleness, no love

He was kissing me but I could feel his anger

He held my face tightly, keeping me in place

_Had he forgiven me? Did he really miss me?_

No, this was not my Fitz, this was someone else

I could smell the alcohol on him

This was not someone who wanted to love me

This was someone who wanted to hurt me

It took all of my strength to push him off me

I was not going to let him humiliate me again

I was done with all of it

_How dare he think I would go for this?_

_**Slap. **_

He was definitely shocked by that

He staggered back from me in disbelief

I didn't care; I was not his to use

His right to me had been forfeited 10 months ago

I was about to unleash all the pint up anger I had

I had him cornered and he was about to hear it all

Then I looked in his eyes and I was torn

I saw a glimpse of the Fitz I loved

He was lonely, tired, unsure and afraid

I could feel his need for me

And I desperately wanted to be with him

Even now I was missing his harsh touch

To connect with him made me feel alive

And he felt the same

Our eyes spoke the unheard language

That only we could understand

It was frustrating to hold myself back from him

I still loved this man

After all the hurt and anger

It was only him that I needed

The battle to hold my defenses was losing

Without a second thought, I hurled myself in his arms

He almost staggered backwards from my kiss

I had never kissed him like that before

I was the aggressor

I was gripping him fiercely

I deepened the kiss so he could barely breathe

He would know how much I wanted him

I knew where this would lead and I didn't care

For whatever time we had together

I would imagine that he was mine again

I would focus on the love we once had for each other

It was only a fleeting thought

_This is a mistake. It won't end well. _

But I suppressed it.


	6. Chapter 6: Unforgivable Sin

I was alone – _I'm always alone_

The natural light coming through my bedroom

Could never masque the extreme darkness

Covering me like a shroud of misery

My thoughts are torturous

A constant replay of horrible events

That continue to rob me of peace

Disturbing the last shred of sanity

I desperately held on to

_10 Months_

People's lives moved on and progressed

While I remained stagnant

Incapable of forward movement

Perfunctory existence based on familiarity

I worked constantly to escape myself

I swam religiously to cleanse myself

I changed outwardly; I kept up appearances

But inside, I was dying

Living with regret is like an anchor

Weighing you down; hemming you in

And though you struggle against it

You cannot come up for air

"_We are done."_

Profound sadness creates weariness, exhaustion

My body aches with need of him

While my mind replays a single harsh reality

He no longer wanted to be with me

His eyes were cold, menacing

He steeled himself against any compassion for me

And with cutting words I was dismissed again

I had betrayed his trust; invalidated our love

He was not open to any discussion

He cared little for any apology

In disgust at his own lack of self control

He lashed out and it hit the mark

To sin against a forbidden love is unforgivable


	7. Chapter 7: Memoirs of FT Grant III

The Memoirs of Fitzgerald T Grant III

**Power**

Power is a tricky thing

Men struggle for superiority and dominance

Constantly seeking to control another

All the while solidifying their own existence

Ensuring that their footprint in time cannot be erased

That their legacy will endure despite death

Bending men to your will

Manipulating thoughts and actions

Like miniature pieces on a chess board

Allowing for the continued existence of some

While demanding the destruction of others

_-The Most Powerful Man On Earth-_

And yet, with all its seductions

Power creates madness in the minds of men

A mental prison of loneliness and isolation

Thoughts of self-judgment and increasing doubt

Plaguing the psyche like vengeful demons

Devouring all chances of contentment and happiness

For this I have been born

This destiny has been fated for me

And I will be the self-fulfilling prophecy

I will lay my happiness at the altar for sacrifice

Betray my heart for the opportunity of greatness

Break down my spirit; obliterate my desires

Suppress what She has awakened in me

Forfeiting my God-given right to seek love

Detach my soul from emotions commonly possessed

Acceptance of the responsibility determined for me

I will cease coveting the privilege of normality

Surrendering for the exclusive chance at immortality

Some men aren't meant to happy

They are meant to be great


End file.
